Today, my fifteen-year-old sister left a sign on my closet door reading "NOTICE: ENTRANCE TO NARNIA CLOSED DUE TO CONSTRUCTION. PLEASE USE ALTERNATE WAYS OF ENTERING. HAVE A NICE DAY." and then had an arrow pointing to my bed, where she had left a brand new jar of play-dough with a sign on it that said "DUE TO THE INCONVENIENCE, WE WOULD LIKE TO PRESENT YOU WITH A GIFT TO COMPENSATE." Thank you God for giving me a brilliant little sister. I owe you one. OurLivesAreAverage
Today, after having finally summoned the nerve to report a guy at my workplace who has been sexually harassing me for months, I got a phone call from my boss. He said that there was nothing he could do about it, because the guy "wouldn't confess." FML
Today, I had to Google how to find the area of a circle. I'm working on my PhD in engineering. FML
Today, I was looking through my boyfriend's Facebook photos, when I saw a recent comment by one of his friends asking how his night out with "Danielle" went. He replied: "Dude, keep that shit on the down-low." We've been dating for over a year. FML
Today, my wife made a joke about the size of my package, so figuring all's fair in love and war, I bought some laxatives to prank her with. They took a lot longer to work than I thought, and I ended up lying in bed, listening to my wife shitting her guts out in the bathroom for over an hour. FML
Last night I turned my radio on before going to bed, because I have trouble sleeping. At around 2 am, I woke up panicking and thinking there were strange men in my room. Then I realized it was a talk show playing. MLIA.
Today I saw this post: "Today I read a story that said: "Today, I realized that even though I'm in high school I still have to sing the alphabet to figure out which letters go after each other. MLIA." I'm glad I'm not the only person that does this. MLIA" My dad does that, too. He's 46. HLIA
"Today I read: """Today I discovered that cotton candy is called fairy floss in the UK. I will never call it cotton candy ever again. MLIA" Sorry to burst your bubble my dear, but we all call it Candy Floss... MLIA"" We call it Doll's Hair here in India. OurLIA" Well, since we're all contributing, in german its sugar cotton... MLIA'' I can beat that. In Greece it's translated into 'Old lady's hair' MLIA
I begged my mom for dinosaur pajama pants for Christmas. She couldn't find any, so she decided to make some. When she went to pay for the dinosaur print fabric at the store, the lady smiled and asked, "Is this for a little boy?" My mom chuckled and said, "No, a teenage girl, actually. The lady looked startled, frowned, and said, "oh." The adults in this culture clearly don't understand that dinosaurs are awesome enough to be for anybody. MLIA.
Today in science my friend brought in an industrial size pack of bubble wrap. Our teacher said it was ok so we made suits of armor and went to our next class like that. You should have seen my Spanish teachers face when I tried to explain to her that I was late because it was hard to walk in bubble wrap, but she considered this a good excuse. I had an extra piece of bubble wrap hanging out of my bag. She then asked if she could have it and then began to jump on it for the next five minutes until all the bubbles were popped. I love my teachers:) MLIA
Today, I decided to play the iPod shuffle gamed. I asked it What song will people sing at my funeral? It's answer.. 'Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone' by Al Green. Well, thats fair. MLIA.
Today, my friend and I had cheerleading practice. Before I start, let me add that we are not the normal cheerleader type. So, after practice we were waiting for our ride and my friend ran up behind me and smacked me on the head with her water bottle. Well, as things went on we ended up having a light saber fight with our water bottles...in front of the entire football team. We got both strage looks and an applaud at the end. It was epic. OurLivesAreAverage
Today I read this story "Today,while reading DBPB i ready a story that said, "Dear girls, We watch movies, have ninja battles and eat dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets at our sleepovers.Sincerely,guys." This person belongs here. MLIA ory " I would just like to inform you that girls do this at our sleepovers too. OLIA
Today, I was in my Theatre class reading a book when these guys started screaming harry potter spells. I slammed my book and reached into book bag and grabbed my Hermonie Granger wand from Harry Potter World and screamed."AVADA KEDAVRA!" They starred at me and dropped to the floor. I went to go seat in my before i said."And it's LeviOsa not levioSA!" Then I sat in my seat and pretended nothing happened. MLIA!
Today I found out that in the Festival of Fools scene in Hunchback of Notre Dame, in the background is a fountain. At that fountain, a girl in a blue dress stands up and walks away, reading a book. I knew Belle was French, but that's just genius! Guess what I'm watching tonight? MLIA.
Today, while driving my mom to work, I saw two kids walking down the street. never thinking people actually do this, I was surprised to see one of them in a banana costume, and the other in a taco suit. If that wasn't good enough, they were headed to, you guessed it, walmart. day=made. MLIA.
Yesterday I was on the beach with a bunch of people having a Nerf gun war, and an ice cream truck driver drove up to us and gave us all as much ice cream as we wanted. For free. His reasoning? He was a Nerf fan also. Later, when he got off, he came back and joined us.
My mom is in a wheelchair, whenever I see her with a beer in hand I yell "YOU'RE DRINKING AND DRIVING!! ARREST HER!" And she drives off madly trying not to be caught. MLIA
Today (Or... a few months ago) I was watching Jimmy Neutron on Netflix with my friends. We were watching the episode where Jimmy makes the robot salesman so that he can sell more chocolate than Cindy and Libby. At the end to save the day, Jimmy gives these book candies to the robot to make it malfunction. In the middle of all of the different quotes from different books he says, "You're a sorcerer, Harry!" We started flipping out. OLAA
Today I read a post that said "Today, I read a post that said "Today I read a MLIA that said, "Today, I cut my finger. On a slice of pizza. I'm still confused. MLIA." and a reply that said "Don't worry. I broke my tooth. On a waffle. MLIA" Well I beat you both, I broke a braces bracket. Eating ice-cream. MLIA" This reminds me of a time when my friend said "I got a cut on the top of my mouth eating a bagel. We should start an 'unexplainable food incidents' club. MLIA." Well I would like to say that I have burnt myself on the chin. And the object that burned me...a macaroni noodle. The sad thing is I had a burn mark for 2 weeks. It was difficult to explain to people how my mark got there. And yes we should have a unexplainable food incedints club. MLIA
Three months ago, my boyfriend and I went on our second date. Instead of coming into make out on the couch, we decided to sit at the kitchen table and play Life. At the beginning of the game you are asked whether you'd like to go to college or start a career. He picked college, and I jokingly asked him where he would be attending. With a perfectly straight and serious face, he said, "Hogwarts, of course." I knew he was a keeper, then.In six days, he is deploying for one year to Afghanistan, on his second tour. I know that you'd appreciate being posted on this website, Sweetheart. Serve with your unending integrity and come home safely. I love you... even more than Hogwarts.
Today(well every time a bill collector calls), I always answer the phone in my happiest voice saying "Hello, County morgue you stab 'em we bag 'em." Ah im still waiting for it to be a real person and not a machine, but that doesn't make it any less fun. MLIA
Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
Today I was walking in Central Park (New York City) when I saw a man dressed as Waldo run past me followed by a group of people screaming "We've found him!". Nobody around me seemed to thinks that this was out of the ordinary. Only in New York.........MLIA
Today, my girlfriend woefully admitted that she thinks of me more as a brother than as a boyfriend, all while I was still inside her. FML
Today, I was talking on my phone in the rain, and it got rain damage. When I woke up this morning, it was in Spanglish. Half Spanish, half English, with no clear reason why. Now all my friends are asking how to set their phones to Spanglish. MLIA
Today, one of my dorm-mates started laughing at a bra hanging to dry in our bathroom. She thought it was hilarious that a college student would still have "such small, baby tits." It was my bra. FML
Today, my roommate did his laundry. Unfortunately, he didn't check his pockets before he washed them. There's now sticky, melted gum all over the washer and I'm left to clean it up. FML
Today I saw this: Forget "Lol". Its all about "LSHIFOMDJKIDHADBIIDINIW" ( Laughing so hard i fell off my dinosaur, Just kidding i dont have a dinosaur, But if i did i'd name it Waldo ) MLIAer? I think so.... MLIA
Today I read "Today, I read a MLIA saying: "Today i read a post that said, "Today, I read an MLIA about how for a lot of people THE VOICE IN THEIR HEAD YELLS WHEN LETTERS ARE IN CAPS. Then I thought doeseveryone'svoicetalksuperfastwhenthingsarewrittenlikethis? Iknowminedoes. MLIA" it made me think. does. everyone's. voice. in. there. head. pause. between. words. when. a. period. is. placed. between. them. like. mine. does. MLIA" So I thought, doeeeeeeeeeeeees everrrrrrrrrrrrryones voiiiiiice exageraaaaaaaaaate their wordddddddds when they are tyyyyyyyyyped like thissssssssssss? MLIA" And not only was all those completely true, but I also cried from laughing so hard. At work. MLIA.